Where is my God now ?

Where is my God now ? I speak metaphorically. I've been an agnostic most of my adult life. Don't hold to one theory or set of rules, but I still can't help but think there is something going on here bigger than just a random combining of atoms. And I look with a cynical eye at most things but yet cling to the hope that people are basically good. Maybe if just for myself. I want to be one of the Good Guys, wear the white hat. My biggest fear is that I'm not.
So I look to the world around me and force my thoughts to be positive. This really isn't that bad of a place.
But now I'm not so sure.
I used to refer to spree killers as The Beast. I had a nagging thought in the back of my brain that there's something making these people do this, they aren't just coming to this on their own if only because they are so much alike, even in their randomness. In my old blog I did some research on the subject and combined it with what I knew from my job (if you don't study the enemy, you can't defeat him) and really don't have an answer. That's what scared me the most. You can prepare for it, but you can't predict where and when. The Beast is at the advantage there. He controls the choices. For the most part, The Beast was random and infrequent. He took victims from all walks of life in many varied locations but they were spread out. No need to be paranoid. Yet that is fast becoming the past. Tenn., Alabama, NY, how many tomorrow, or next week. You call them Spree Killers, we call them Active Shooters, call them what you want but they're all psychos with guns dropped into a target rich environment. Al Qaida doesn't need to send terrorists, we're growing them right here. Back in the day, when I looked at Klebold and Harris (thankfully, below)I looked to train myself to be alert, to know what I needed to do should the Beast show its face, but there was always that little bit of complacency, that small place in the back of my mind that said it wouldn't happen hereIn a flash of a moment The Beast has become so prolific that even the best of the best aren't ready. Two of those killed in Oakland were SWAT. Two patrol officers down is not something surprising but the SWAT team took two dead and one wounded before they perforated the suspect. Maybe they too have become complacent. We keep trying to put some rationality to the world today. It just doesn't work like that anymore. Those three in Pittsburgh were killed over an argument that started when the dog pissed in the house.http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090405/ap_on_re_us/pittsburgh_shooting
Nobody can afford that anymore. Because even though those were major events, major incidents in our terminology, the smaller ones you don't hear about still continue, and even grow in their horrific nature. Like this one.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090405/ap_on_re_us/children_slain
Or, this one, which took me back a few seconds and was the first time I've been shocked in years.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090331/ap_on_re_us/sisters_slain
Even the veteran officers responding were so taken aback by The Beast in their presence, it took them a moment (too fucking long guys) to react appropriately. I think we've been anesthetized by the war and Combat News Network. Its terrible, but its over there. We turned our back on The Beast in our midst and now we pay for it almost daily. The answer ? I don't have one. You might ask your local police department as to whether they've undergone Active Shooter Training. If they haven't, any reason they have for that shortcoming (including budget) is retarded and a lie. Other than training your cops to counter the threat, take advantage of the Second Amendment like many here in the south. Keep your mind thinking as you walk down the dark street, "What would I do if....?" I play that game all the time. Keeps one sharp. You don't have to become paranoid, friends, you just have to be ready when and if the time comes that you meet The Beast.